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Words to guide, inspire and entertain
Monday, May 27, 2013
George Carlin said that there was no blue food [blueberries are purple, and blue hard candy was fake, and it might be blue glass] and so, blue food promotes immortality, and therefore was being hidden from us by THEM. You know, the guys with the black phones. Who control our lives.
I was raised amidst, shall we say, horse and cow flop. Prairie pancakes. Farm Frisbees. I slipped in it, and with a very cross-grained pony, sadly ate a lot of it at about 35 mph. He was a great pony. Really.
Natural fertilizer in the form of manure, some sort of waste, has been the method of feeding crops with nutrient forever. The Chinese and Japanese save their urine and feces in great big urns, and water rice with it. Don’t get squeamish. If diet is clean [I am not suggesting most American diet is] then it’s the same chemicals: nitrogen, potassium, phosphorus, magnesium, some calcium, and ‘goo’ that are all the trace minerals and enzymes for plants to get big and green on.
I love manure, manure ‘tea’, which is just diluted, and all the lovely composted stuff that makes black soil and fosters earthworms and such.
Now the purists should close their eyes and not read any further.
Ok, the rest of us are left.
Miracle-Gro® and sundry other commercial fertilizers are the same stuff. If they don’t have a pesticide or weed-i-cide in them, they are the same chemicals, in very specific ratios dependent on what’s being planted, as manure. I know it’s blue. They dye it [with nothing nasty] to make sure nobody makes a mistake and thinks maybe its water.
It’s the same chemicals. Don’t mistake me here, because I am not saying it’s manure, composted organic matter or peat, loam, clay, sand… it’s food. Plants get food from light, and food from dirt. And foods from watering cans of blue chemicals.
As a professional I have gone through countless gallons of ‘blue food’. Epsom salts are also magnificent [the same you soak in, which as a rehab therapist I am constantly prescribing] since Epsom salts are magnesium sulfate, a very important mineral for growth, green-ness, and sturdy stem development. The trees thrive, the plants thrive, they make fruit, or blossom, or leaf, and THEY DON’T CARE.
Don’t touch the fertilizer. This goes for manure as well as the blue food: phosphorus is a very deadly substance. It’s the stuff in matches and road flares, and it eats bones and flesh. Wear gloves for everything.
Your peppers might feel more righteous about manure [who am I to say what a plant feels?] but I am more concerned with happiness and production for the plant. If I planted it and talk to it and pull out weeds and take fruit or branches, I have the obligation to them… I have never taken them to McDonald’s, at least.